Thursday, January 17, 2008

An Open Letter to the City of Dallas, Part One

A few things.

Dallas, oh how I love thee. From the trolley tracks that throw my car to the right or left every time I drive down McKinney, to the way my cell phone drops calls on 75 daily without fail whenever I pass Mockingbird or Northwest Highway. I love you. With all my heart. But we have a few things that need some attention.

#1 – I like my sleep. I do. I also like my job. I want to keep both. And it’s becoming more and more evident that the never-ending construction on Oak Lawn could have a hand in disturbing both of those precious items.

With that said, whose brilliant idea was it to go ahead and install the light at the front of Scottish Rite, which basically serves no purpose whatsoever other than to 1) force me to be the bitch who pulls into the middle of the previous Oak Lawn/Maple intersection to ensure I make it through the light 2) encourage everyone to pretend to be ignorant to the fact that there is only ONE lane that goes through the intersection, and subsequently cut everyone off at the last minute while thinking a wave in the rearview makes up for it and 3) guarantee I will piss off everyone within 30 yards of me prior to 9am just to make it to work on time… always a great start to the day. And I have you… along with my inability to not press snooze or efficiently pick out an outfit… to thank for that.

I’m a lover, not a fighter, Dallas. And road rage is so not hot.

#2 – I’m all for public transpo. Truly. I think it’s a crime people aren’t able to walk more in this city… and we have some incredible city planners to thank for that who were obviously trying to set Guinness Records for urban sprawl. Hijacking that escapade with crazy thoughts of vertical versus horizontal growth would have been ludicrous.

And unfortunately, the solution to that is not more diesel buses, as DART so ungreenly proposed at December’s commissioner’s court meeting. Believe me, the day I accidentally slam into a DART bus from behind after it slams on its brakes at any one of its ridiculously-inopportune locations throughout Dallas will be a bittersweet one. More sweet than bitter as long as my insurance pays on time.

And for all of the countless times I have not had the foresight to see the upcoming DART stop, and subsequently gotten trapped behind a bus while everyone flies past ignoring my blinker, do I get reimbursed for my medical bills at 65 after years of inhaling those diesel fumes from 2 feet away? Or simply for my allergy to the color yellow? It’s true. Putting me in a room with bananas and a DART bus would spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

I think DART should invest in rick-shaws. Way cooler. Way less toxic to the environment, and darn it, just make sense.

#3 – Tollway = As much fun as a kick in the junk. When I think back to the last few months, some of my fondest memories come from the many days (about 24, to be exact, according to my bill from the Dallas North Tollway Authority) I have spent trying to remember to press my Tolltag against my window while flying past the makeshift toll booth that is located about ¼ mile past where it used to be… I always realize it about 3 seconds too late, and then am reminded again via mail from DNTA.
Thanks guys. I got it. I’m trying. Really. But the far left lane is a bitch on its own thanks to the uneven pavement… and trying to text message while shuffling around for my Tolltag is simply impossible. I know, I know. That is what the Velcro is for. That solution would be way too simple, and then I would have nothing to write about.

And I’ve unofficially mastered the art of two-handed texting while driving from the tollway entrance until it becomes three lanes, but I’m not sure everyone else has. Get a clue, people. It’s not rocket science. Not sure how much longer I can take it. So, hop to it, DNTA. And no, my check is not in the mail.

All my transportation-based love,
Jackie O

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