Friday, February 29, 2008

Here We Hoe Again

As I was browsing through "party pics" recently I came across one which made me wish I had been a fly on the wall during the decision-making process to purchase the dress on the right. And wouldn't you love it if for once everyone really said what they were thinking when shopping? For example:

"Hey are you going to buy something not on sale today, preferably more than one item so I can make a decent commission? Or will helping you be a complete waste of my time?" the salesperson asks.

"Well, I tend to spend money I don't have - and my parents pay for most of what I spend even though I'm 25, so I'm going to pretend to look at all of the stuff not on sale to look like I can afford it, but then "conveniently" find just what I'm looking for on the sale rack. Then I'll tell you how much great stuff you have on sale, and you will pretend to agree, while silently resenting me even entering your store to begin with." the shopper says.

"Okay awesome. Well I'm going to look for a customer with more money than you, but I'll pretend to look your way every now and then. If you really need something, though, please don't ask me. It annoys the shit out of me when I have to go to the back to get a different size, and if you seriously ask me to call another store to see if they have something, I will mentally be giving you the finger while smiling and saying 'Of course,'" says the salesperson.

"That's fine. I'm looking for something to go out in - so it needs to be fairly skanky, make my boobs look a great deal better than they would with me naked, and just barely cover my ass. Part of me is embarrassed to be shopping for something like that, so I'd prefer you not help me anyways. I typically find most of my personal validation in degrading comments and/or looks made to me by men at bars/clubs, so I need an outfit that will get me the most attention in that regard so that my night out will have been worth the effort. Your judging comments while I check out will be plenty to make me feel like an idiot on my way out the door without you having to pretend to comment on how the red in this dress really contrasts well with my dark hair," says the shopper.

The salesperson looks up from the magazine she is flipping through and says, "Did you say something? I'm not sorry I wasn't listening, but I was busy thinking about how my parents paid six figures for a college degree and I'm making $13.50/hour selling ugly dresses to people like you. If you were asking me for help, please remember how I said it annoys the shit out of me, mmkay?"

And thanks to it being Friday, my guess is that there is a many a dress being shimmied into whose level of risque' could make that one pale in comparison. Sheesh. Since when did wearing a legwarmer as a dress become fashionable? I must have been home sick for longer than I thought.

Happy Friday.


Anonymous said...

ouch! i generally enjoy the blog and particularly the writing style and the Dallas-specific humor, but, after i googled "Plan B" to figure out what it was, i thought this blog may be a tad harsh. most of the people that get jabbed in anonymous blogs are arguably public figures (or, in Dallas, are trying to be public figures and relish or at least expect or don't mind good or bad publicity), but the jabs are typically a little more light-hearted and silly and a little less pointed and personal. i have no ideo who this girl is, but her name was included. however, i guess you could argue that she is presumably not embarrased by the outfit (because she chose to wear it) or the pic (because she probably has the ability to have it removed). and, wearing whatever outfit she chooses to wear in public and posing for pics probably means she is not shying away from attention and should expect to be seen and potential publicly and/or privately critiqued. arguably still funny even if harsh. hopefully, she sees the humor in it.

Jackie O said...

Oh snap - people actually read this thing? In all seriousness, point well taken. Typically I would never edit a post, but you got me thinking... I wouldn't want 1) her, 2) her va-jay-jay and 3) her hind quarters to each try and sue me... but if two of the three qualified as public figures, would I be off the hook?

Anonymous said...

doubt you have much more to worry about than some SMU girl being ticked at you for a week. her own blog appears to be something less than vicious. i spent a little more time (approximately 23 seconds) thinking about it and tend to believe that a reasonable person that gets "dressed up" and goes out and poses for pictures should expect to be subject to "people watching" and the inevitable critiquing (and youtube video) that follows. i doubt she is losing much sleep over this. she may have been voted most likely to call ahead and tip the paparazi. if anything, this is probably more likely to have a larger effect on her picture poses and the picture angles she chooses in the future than what she wears to the club. or maybe not. but, i don't think she will be giving miss kardashian any real competition anytime soon.

Maggie said...

That was amazing. :-)